Thread:Crowsoul50/@comment-33229352-20200116030855/@comment-33229352-20200129073019

Me at 2AM: The reason I'm desensitized to gore is because I was exposed to uncensored violence on the internet as a child and I am "calm" in stressful situations because I no longer feel the need for a fear response. The reason being  I essentially became immune to it while I was used as a therapist/dumping ground for other people's trauma as an 11-year-old and I thought it was normal. Perhaps the almost weekly occurance of running damage control in an internet community I did not belong in also played a factor; I became an expert on coaching people who had suicidal/self-harm tendencies and ideations and I could not afford to show my panic. This exacerbated my already existing difficulty with expressing and indentifying my emotions. This community was the first time I felt like I had true friendships and people who cared about me and I for them. This perception affects my relationships to this day, as I surround myself with broken people who rely on me for emotional support, a service I provide even though I will not get the same in return because I have a need to feel wanted and useful.

Also me at 2AM: *watches a concerning amount of YouTube videos about a guy who hunts rats using minks he buys from fur farms and trains specifically for this purpose*