Thread:BixbiteTheGreat/@comment-34012245-20180701033213/@comment-35027757-20180702144655

“I apologize in advance for the long rant I’m making Riri post for me but to be honest I don’t know how to exactly explain this. I guess I can just say that I’ve really falen into anxiety. Both my parents started being really strict with on some things, and that really didn’t sit well with me at all. And I really mean it.

When I said anxiety, I guess that’s really the only thing it could be. Some days after that I started to have a LOT of trouble sleeping (I could only do so around 12), which led to me waking up later even though my mom insisted I should wake up at 7:30. That doesn’t seem very imporant, I know. But I got and get tired more easy during the day and can’t fulfill my family’s expectations. So they think I’m being lazy and just got stricter with me.

Then came the eating problems. I’ve always had some, I mean, Ive always eaten more than I should (my nutritionist said so) and therefore am a bit overweight though I was on a diet wich helped some. But lately my appeatite just… increased to whole new levels. I feel like I NEED to eat or else something will happen. I NEED to eat to calm my nerves, to continue living, to be what they want. And by need I mean reeally NEED. I’d eat anything I can even if I was full because I feel like I need to. And uh I guess that causes indigestión but my body dones’t care and I still need to do it. So mymom is like at her wits’ end because of that, and got my papa to punish me. How can I explain my situation to them when I’ve tried and they can’t understand?

You probably don’t know this, but I’ve suffered a lot of stuff from other Friends when I was younger (esp by bullying). But I was always happy. Or well, I tried to be. And that became a perpetual mask I CAN’T take off even if I want. Therefore I repressed a ton of negative feelings, hiding them even from my family, Friends, and obviously y’all. Now those are coming back up and I just can’t control them at all. They really transform me into someone else, especially rage since I want to break stuff (I have done it and I feel bad now), I’ve wanted to hit my brother for a slight teasing, and I’ve yelled at my parents for a lot of stuff even as simple as not handing me the sugar quickly. Are you going to tell me that normal? I know it isn’t and I desperately want to stop that behavior but I just… can’t. My only refuge is drawing.

Aaaand my Papa said I have an addiction to drawing. That’s probably true, I mean I have to draw at least a couple lines each day to avoid being consumed by anxiety. And I’d rather draw tan do anything else (except go on the forums and chat lol). Anyways there’s my parents’ threat that if I don’t mend my behavior they’ll take away my drawing supplies. I tried telling them that I can’t live without drawing, and again they can’t understand. Are my explaining skills really that bad?

Please don’t get the impression that my parents are evil. They’ve been good to me on many, many occasions and I know they somewhat care about me. ”

This is what Bixbite emailed me and told me to pass onto you, Silverskies.