Thread:DragonNinja01/@comment-38036641-20190427053057/@comment-38036641-20190710060322

I've realized that for the past couple of months, I've been putting the feelings and emotions I put in my OCs here in GGaD, have transferred over to me and I feel what they feel, and...almost..understand what they're going through, even if I've never been through it before.

Am I getting too into this FWRP? The answer to that is a definite yes.

I know. It's all fictional, none of this is real. So why am I, the creator of these characters I play, feel the pain {most of what I feel anyway} that they're feeling through a roleplay? I know that I've put in a bit of me into each other my OCs for the most part. For me...it's a bit unknown on why every time an OC gets attacked, hurt; mentally especially, I feel like that as I read the PoVs, it's like their pain transferred into me.

Don't ask why but I guess you can say that I'm started to get sensitive about things. Things....words usually don't hurt me in the past and if they did, I was able to bottle it up, sometimes well, sometimes not. But it never brought me to tears. Until a few months ago and that's when I couldn't be the "strongwilled" girl anymore when it came to verbal attacks.

The song I posted earlier, "Warrior is a Child" is what I used to be, holding everything inside, until I was alone. I'm not a warrior...I'm not strongwilled. I'm just....a scared girl who feels years younger than her actual age; alone and always feeling like I'm in the dark.

Yes, I'm a Christian and I know that God is always with me, comforting me, but sometimes, I forget that he's there because f my emotions and tears blocking my sense of maturity and knowledge. Even if I pray/talk to Him, I don't always feel better immediately, but that's not a problem. I know that he's having me go through these hard times as a trial for me. To make me stronger. And it takes time.

But for me....I'm impatient so I keep asking, "When? When will I be strong again?"

However, I can be strong by learning from my mistakes. Is it easy, no, of course not. I repeat the same mistake many times. I sometimes don't even bother with trying to learn from my problems and mistakes or even notice them because I feel so....lost and full of anger.

And because of that, I forget to not worry about if I get hurt or not--I still will and it will hurt, to the point of tears again--and that because of my anger, I hurt others and I am the one at fault, not them. But hopefully....I can reflect that I'm not going to be that easy to break down and watch my actions, building my wall up.

A mental wall where....I don't have to react or listen to those words and react positively and calm down first before reacting from my strong, hurt emotions. Where I can make sure that because I am hurt, that I am not hurting anyone else.

What else can I say? I believe that I'm a failure....but I hope to at least be a failure who can learn and become someone who can be successful and help others from the dark.

I'm sure that there are a lot of others who are like me: feeling as if they're in the dark and can't get out or think they will never be able to come out. The truth is, you can. With help. You can't do everything alone. With the bond of love, friendship from others, whether they be friends or family, you can come out of the dark.

Talk to either yourself or someone you trust to help you or just ask them to be a listening ear so you can talk. Talking will and does help if you have problems and don't know what to do. I found that out later and I wished that I had reflected on my actions and words more.

Will I be able to get over with feeling the hurt feelings of my OCs? Probably not in a long time.

It's never too late to start fixing what you've done, make amends, or just reflect on yourself, even if it means that you sometimes....lose connections with friends and family.

Others are there for you. People who you can trust and know that despite your differences and faults, you still cherish one another.

I may have been extremely stubborn about things, and I hope that I can be better and accept my faults. It'll just.....take time. Then again, everything takes time.

~fallon~ {I've never been good with words, I sometimes get off topic of what I was supposed to be saying. I'm not perfect, no one is. We all have our faults and hoopefully, we learn from them.}