Thread:Crowsoul50/@comment-33229352-20190304041126/@comment-33229352-20191016053603

(TW- LGBTQphobia??)

Oh shoot, October 11th marked a year since I came out to my family

Happy (Bi)rthday to me

Which means its also been a year since my parents haven't acknowledged I said anything at all but you win some, you lose some.

Not to say that they aren't supportive. They haven't said anything against me, but they also haven't said anything for me. Like I said, it's as if I didn't say anything at all. Which stings in its own kind of way, I guess. I don't try to let it bother me, though. I wasn't looking for explicit approval from them when I came out, I just figured the time was right. I kind of came out in a stupid way tho lmao. My family is hella busy so I couldn't get all of them in one spot to tell them in person, so I just said "happy national coming out day, im pansexual" and linked a wikipedia article. I originally came out as pan but I refined that over the course of the year to bisexual because I like the flag better and the distinction doesn't matter too much to me. There's a reason I was hesitant to label myself, and it was because my understanding of sexuality at the time didn't line up with what I was feeling, but I think I've got a good handle on it now.

But yee. I try to be patient with my parents. They didn't grow up with this stuff (they're old enough to be on the fringe of the Boomer generation), and while that's no excuse, they're making an effort to understand. Not a huge effort, mind you, but an effort nontheless.

Take my mom, for instance. I talk in circles with her about LGBTQ stuff, and it's often on the topic of trans people. I have several friends and classmates who are trans, and the concept is extremely foreign to her. I make sure she uses the correct name/pronouns in front of them, but sometimes she all but drops them in private, something I'm also trying to fix. She often needs clarification on who I'm talking about, which forces me to deadname them to her so she gets context. I fucking hate doing that. As soon as I do, she says something along the lines of "Oh, [deadname] who now goes by [preferred name] and wants to be a [gender they are transitioning to]?" It sounds hostile as all get out in the tone she says it, but I'm not even sure she knows how hurtful it really is. I try explaining to her, but then she gets defensive and sulky about it. And thats only with people who are straight and trans. Someone I know is gay and Female-to-Male transgender, which means he is attracted to men. Completely throws my mom for a loop. I have this conversation with her, almost verbatim, every couple months:

Me: ...and [we'll call him X]'s boyfriend--

Mom: Isn't... he... trans?

Me, knowing exactly where this is going: X is male. He has always been male. His assigned gender at birth was not an accurate representation of who he is, a guy. He's a dude who likes other dudes. Being assigned female at birth does not make him secretly straight.

I also spent several months convincing her the singular "they" was grammatically correct.

So straight up just refer to people by preferred name and pronouns. My sister and I slipped into they/them pronouns as smooth as anything when discussing a classmate of hers, who we knew was genderqueer but weren't entirely sure what his pronouns were and he wasn't around to ask. It's not that hard to be a decent human being. I'm not asking for understanding, I'm asking for respect.